We, the undersigned former Presidents of the United States, write to you today to cordially ask you to leave us the hell out of it.
Sincerely,
Andrew Jackson, assassination attempted January 30, 1835
Abraham Lincoln, assassinated April 14, 1845
James Garfield, assassinated July 2, 1881
William McKinley, assassinated September 6, 1901
Theodore Roosevelt, assassination attempted October 13, 1912
Franklin D. Roosevelt, assassination attempted February 15, 1933
Harry S. Truman, assassination attempted November 1, 1950
John F. Kennedy, assassination attempted December 11, 1960, and assassinated November 22, 1963
Richard Nixon, assassination attempted April 14, 1972, and February 22, 1974
Gerald R. Ford, assassination attempted September 5, 1975, and September 22, 1975
Jimmy Carter, assassination attempted May 5, 1979
Ronald Reagan, assassination attempted March 30, 1981
George H.W. Bush: assassination attempted April 13, 1993
Your Loving Husband, assassination attempted October 29, 1994
George W. Bush, assassination attempted May 10, 2005
P.S. – George Wallace wanted in on this too, but we wouldn’t let him.
Funny stuff, FUBAR. Made my day.