Apparently, the Obama and Clinton campaigns have begun private talks to merge - join forces for the general election, and the eventual common good of defeating John McCain. Oh, sure, the Washington Post got that much of the story, big effin’deal.
But, in yet another stunning LettersFromTexas.com world exclusive, we’re able to bring you the actual transcript of the initial conversation in these delicate negotiations:
Joe (Obama campaign representative): Hey man, thanks for coming over. I thought it’d be good to start talking about putting our heads together as things progress. I know both campaigns have been hitting each other pretty hard, but ultimately we all want the same thing, right?
Craig (Clinton campaign representative): I hate you. I hate your boss. You have stolen the election from us, and if you expect me to like it, you’re out of your mind, you hamster chewing groin poker.
Obama Joe: Um, yeah, well I know things are pretty raw for you guys right now, but really – can’t we start mapping out how best to merge the two campaign operations, set up a general election fundraising mechanism at the DNC, that sort of thing?
Clinton Craig: Did you not hear me, you ass taming zombie pile? I said I hate your guts. Thanks to you, I’ll be unemployable soon, you dung hugging thighbone herder. You’ll lose my phone number after you squeeze out of us whatever you need, you grandpa humping fart sucker. You’re such a horse squeezing toilet lover, your campaign is a beaver sipping bum basket, and your boss is a wood hunting anal humper.
Obama Joe: Now wait a damn minute, you incompetent duck sucking poop farmer! I tried to bring us together in a constructive setting, for the common good, and all you can do is insult me? Now I understand why your beaver tossing melon vendor-of-a-boss is losing this election, you stupid goblin cooking pimple strangler!
Clinton Craig: That’s it, I’m out of here. I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit around and listen to this idiot mushroom sipping boner inhaler! You can tell your boss, that scum climbing seal basket, that it’ll be a cold day in hell before we sit down and talk again, you fat little wart chewing ass basket!
Obama Joe: Security, escort this nut eating dung rider out of here. If this granny hugging snot flab tries to get back in here have him arrested. And that goes double for his boss, who, by the way, is a earwax burping doodle face!
Clearly, things are going swimmingly. Perhaps for the next meeting, neither should be logged onto the random insult generator.