As a charter member of Americans Against Cornholing, I am very concerned.
I would have assumed that you, like other freedom-loving Americans, agree with us that the practice of cornholing goes against every family value we can think of. Further, I never would have imagined that you personally would be participating in this vile practice. In fact, in the past I have defended you against those who intimated that you might be a cornholer.
Even worse than that, apparently not only are you personally cornholing with wild abandon, but you’re even using the practice to raise money for your re-election campaign! Not only does that not reflect our traditional family values, but if it’s not illegal, it should be. I, for one, am outraged.
A Concerned American
cc: everybody who mistakenly thought this letter was to our governor. I mean, why would you even think it was?