Archive | September, 2008

Weekly Poll Wrap-Up

Last week’s poll was “The White House is reportedly hashing out the details of a $700 billion bailout of a collapsing financial industry, presumably because of bad industry decisions . What else should the feds have stepped in for, but didn’t?”

We had an exact tie for a very dubious first place, with each of the following coming in with 29 percent:

It would have been just nifty to have invested in supplying our troops with the armor and other supplies they needed to survive their missions, and not cut their benefits once they return

It would have been boffo to have had a bit more sympathy for cash-strapped Americans when Republicans led passage of the bankruptcy legislation written in large part by the credit card companies, ironically in the name of “personal responsibility”

It seems from these results that Americans are equally disgusted with the White House on both the domestic and foreign policy fronts, and that the focus is squarely on the needs of Americans in need no matter which front.

Coming in a close second with 22 percent was “It would have been kind of nice to have bailed out the countless Americans who have lost their homes already.”

And coming in third, also close with 18 percent, was “It would have been neato keen for the White House to have taken a stab at a comprehensive National energy policy at any point in the last 8 years which didn’t have as its goal the maximumization of oil company profits.”

So, the bottom line is, voters wish the White House could walk and chew gum at the same time. Yes, bailing out the crappy economy is undoubtedly important, and as bad of a taste as it leaves in all our mouths, the $700,000,000,000.00 bailout bill is probably a necessary evil. But there is, and has been, very real need by very real people out there, and the Bush administration has long turned a deaf ear to all of it.

It will all be over in four months. Here’s hoping that’s not enough time for them to screw up something else.

As always, this week’s poll is on top of the right hand sidebar. Vote on it there, and comment on it here.

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The Nation’s Address To The President

President Bush asked for and received network time to address the nation last night. Fair enough. He looked old and haggard, and was full of gloom and doom. I don’t blame him a bit. A lot of us feel the same way after the last 7.5 years.

If the American people were able to collectively call up the networks and request 15 minutes of air time to address President Bush, it might go something like this.

Good Evening, Mr. President:

We hate to admit it, but what you said is fundamentally true. The economy is in a shambles. Thanks for being honest about that, finally.

We won’t even quibble much over how we got here, although an honest economist would tell us that the roots of it lie in deregulation insisted upon by the financial sector itself, and led by Republicans (admittedly, with help from some Democrats as well).

And although virtually all of us hate it, we doubt in the end that Congress will, or even should, turn you down in your request for a $700,000,000,000.00 bailout of Wall Street. As frustrating as it is, we’re not stupid.

We know that the very companies in trouble are the ones who guarantee and underwrite all the deals, who fund all the economic engines which keep the country humming along. From the richest guy on Wall Street to the homeless guy on the streets of Laredo, Texas, our lives are all in some way tied to the multi-billion dollar deals that come and go on a secondly basis.

Credit fuels the economy, and confidence is the essential mothers-milk of credit. Now that confidence is gone, killed by the greed of the very people your Republican Party trusted when you determined that everything everywhere should be deregulated, and that all financial firewalls should come tumbling down. When your bank is also your mortgage company which is also your insurance company, which also owns a minority share in your grocery store, your office building, your road building contractor, the corner bar, and your local sports franchise, and one of those subsidiaries is giving away home loans beyond the means of the loan recipients, the mortgage sector will eventually sink at the first sign of reduced home values. And without those financial firewalls which you Republicans fought to erase, it cannot help but drag all other financial sectors down with it.

We get it. We as a country, one way or another, whether we like it or not, are about to buy down about $700,000,000,000.00 worth of bad investments from those who made them in the first place. We guess that means that the United States of America is about to become one of the biggest shareholders in crappy ill-conceived housing, high-rise messes, overbuilt business districts, and risky old credit card debt.

But, we’d like a few considerations in return.

First, we would like to be spared all future smug lectures by you and other so-called “fiscal conservatives” about how free markets drive robust economies, and as such governments should stay out of the way. Even a true conservative would readily agree that the purpose of governments is to do that which cannot be done by the private sector. We now have $700,000,000,000.00 worth of proof that the private sector cannot be trusted, without government oversight and protections, to police itself.

Second, we demand your recognition that there are other investments which could have driven the economy besides the now-failed housing boom, which would have also gone toward solving real human need, and that those investments could have only been made with the leadership of your uncaring government.

If 8 years ago we had made a national commitment to universal health care, the pent-up demand for long-neglected care among unhealthy Americans would have created countless jobs, fueled research and development toward curing disease, reduced costs to local economies strapped by paying for people who have no other choice than to seek their primary care from the E.R., and resulted in a much healthier workforce.

If 8 years ago we had made a serious national commitment toward energy efficiency and to moving to alternative forms of sustainable energy, it would have spurred billions in new technology development, and created new industries in retrofitting homes and businesses into a new energy-efficiency, would have created a boom in the manufacturing sector, would have reduced our dependence on foreign oil, and would have gone miles toward saving the planet.

The successful implementation of those two ideas alone would have literally changed our world, for the better. Yes, either investment would have been expensive, but the price tag of both of them together would not have approached $700,000,000,000.00. And we haven’t even gotten into the billions you blew on your stupid war.

So, President Bush, in one way or another, you’ll probably get your $700,000,000,000.00 in bail-out money. However, we would all feel better about it if you would just stand up, grow a pair, and admit what that money represents: the utter failure of the neoconservative philosophy, and the biggest waste of money and opportunity in the history of the planet to date.

PS: Just an FYI, Mr. President: yesterday the August numbers were released on U.S. housing market. Turns out that U.S. housing prices fell in the month of August by almost 10 percent – the largest drop in history. Mission accomplished indeed.

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Here’s a touching story

About a woman with hare on her chest.

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Scientists have made a break-through…

…in the never-ending search to explain the existence of Dick Cheney.

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Weekly Poll Update

Yeah yeah yeah, I haven’t been around much, so sue me.

So here’s the deal. I, who seldom get sick for non-allergy related reasons, got sick for non-allergy related reasons. I’m better now, but not 100 percent, but I owed it to you, the crap-reading public, to get off my arse and update this site before you cancel your pricey subscriptions and take your business elsewhere.

As for the remainder of the countless sea of worthless employees at Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters, Post Hurricane Fearmongering Super3DDoplerWeatherplex Division, it appears they didn’t do SQUAT in my absence, and are all fired forthwith. There, I feel better already, even aside from the very-recent lack of unpleasant projectiles ricocheting around in the general area of my bathroom. But hey, TMI.

Now, where was I? Oh yeah, the weekly poll wrap up. Sorry about that.

Last week’s question was “Houston’s under a dusk-to-dawn curfew all week, mostly without electricity. What will most likely come of this?”

Coming in first with 35% was “the entire area is about to get back in touch with their inner mosquito.”

In the second place slot with 30% was “local hospitals will be jam packed 9 months from now due to a baby boom.”

In third place, directly opposing second place was “family courts will be jam packed 2 months from now due to a rash of divorces.” On the other hand, if the third place finisher isn’t directly opposed to the second place finisher, one might presume that a lot of couples in the greater Houston area finally had nothing better to do and got around to having sex, with each other, and immediately found it despicable. But the kid’s still coming.

In a 3-way tie for fourth place (or is that a 4-way tie for third place?) were “somebody owning a Prius will figure out a way to use it to power their house, and will charge $500 a night for an air conditioned room;” and “after days without electricity it will take a while for Houstonians to catch up with gossip on;” and “’There’s nothing like a refreshing swim on loop 610’ will be newly-added to the local lexicon.

And yes, I know the percentages add up to more than 100. That is because voters on this poll could choose more than one option. So if you wanted to and didn’t avail yourself, feel free to apply for all those vacant positions at Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters. You are fully qualified. Oops, except that you didn’t even notice the percentages exceeded 100 until I pointed it out? Go to the back of the line, slacker. You’ll get your money right after AIG.

As always, this week’s poll is on top of the right hand sidebar. Vote on it there, and comment on it here.

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Dear Texas Legislators:

You pride yourselves in your ability to search the world over for policy ideas that make sense and fit in with your conservative philosophies.

Well, you missed one.

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Palin-mania continues!

Ain’t she just the gift that just keeps on giving??

Check it out – the Sarah Palin baby name generator!

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Great Band Name Update

Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters is always on the look-out for great band names to present to you, the crap-reading public. Here’s the latest.

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Weekly Poll Wrap-Up

Last week’s poll question was, “PUMA, the stubborn group of Hillary Clinton supporters, says the name stands for ‘Party Unity My Ass.’ Following the conventions, what do you think it should stand for instead?”

Coming in first place with 37% was “Pathetic Undermining Muckrakers Association.”

Tying for second with 21% apiece were “Palin-ites United for Moron Alaskans,” and “Political Underwear-Messing Abominations.” Only 6% chose “Painfully Unaware Mommy-issue Asses,” and 12% picked none of the above.

This week’s poll in on top of the right hand sidebar. Vote there, and comment on it here.

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News coverage of the unfolding disaster

No, not Hurricane Ike – the other unfolding disaster.

Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

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We deeply resent the implication

There have been news reports implying (!) that certain blogs (!) have perhaps played fast (!) and loose (!) with the facts concerning Sarah Palin, if that is indeed her real name. I beg to differ. For example, we haven’t even thought about repeating those unfounded rumors about the pregnant midget lesbian Eskimo being held hostage in the basement of the Palin family home. We wouldn’t think of it.

Well I’ve got news for you, you closet conservative, Palin-supporting, McCain-defending, Bush-loving, corporate news media-apologizing, so-called “reporters” who clearly hate freedom: here at Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters, we have convened an expert panel of experts, during which we have experted our expertise until we are blue in our expert faces. We have done the research, we have read all the materials, and we know exactly what we’re talking about.

We even have photographic evidence of our vast expert research. So we don’t want to hear any more of this unpleasantness about inaccuracies. Are we clear on this?

PS: in other news, did you know that Mary-Kate is cheating on her boyfriend? Or that Shannen Doherty is terrorizing the set of the new “90210?” You people really need to keep current on the research.

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Obama: up with this crap I will not put!

Aaaaaand ain’t it strange that nobody objected when John McCain said the same thing a while back…thusly:

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Just a friendly reminder…

…that this website has strict policies against making fun of such things as what John McCain has to do to get an erection.

Talk amongst yourselves.

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And speaking of East Texas…

This rule would never work there. Or anywhere South of Interstate 10. Or in the greater Houston area. Oh hell, just anywhere in Texas for that matter.

I can especially think of a few places it wouldn’t even come close to working.

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Dear East Texans:

I suppose in hindsight it was only a matter of time before one of you got hold of a smart car.

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