Dear Texas House Members:

Regarding the looming race for Texas House Speaker, I thought a few words of advice would be appropriate. I know you must be grateful; you can thank me later.

First, I have closely studied Phillip Martin’s excellent analysis over on Burnt Orange Report, and after careful consideration I have expertly concluded that there is no way Tom Craddick can remain as Speaker.

Second, I have closely studied Paul Burka’s excellent analysis over on Texas Monthly’s BurkaBlog, and after careful consideration I have expertly concluded that there is no way Tom Craddick can be defeated as Speaker.

But most importantly, Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters, Skulduggery Division, has exclusively obtained a short film about speaker’s races from the 1950’s. Shockingly, it is just as relevant today as it was 50 years ago. Pay close attention. There will be a quiz on this later.

Comments

comments

6 Responses to Dear Texas House Members:

  1. Mean Rachel November 15, 2008 at 10:42 pm #

    so…we’re supposed to duck and what?

  2. FUBAR November 15, 2008 at 10:45 pm #

    beats me, something about a sunburned turtle I think.

  3. whiskeydent November 16, 2008 at 10:26 pm #

    You kids quit goofing around with this serious shit.

    I am so freakin’ old that I actually remember ducking and covering about once a month back when I was in elementary school (I especially remember a squirrel shot of my first grade teacher when I looked up from under my desk).

    Of course, we now know that nothing can save us if The Big One comes.

    So, it’s far better to get in one last roll in the hay with your significant other, favorite escort or preferred hand/implement/animal.

    Remember: F*ck Your Lover!

  4. FUBAR November 17, 2008 at 2:36 pm #

    Whiskeydent, that’s just about the funniest comment on this website since the “slowly fisting grandma” situation months ago!

  5. whiskeydent November 17, 2008 at 5:38 pm #

    Add grandma to my list. We should always give seniors a hand when they’re in need.

  6. Ted November 17, 2008 at 7:38 pm #

    I will avoid making snide comments about the “upper” chamber.
    I will avoid making snide comments about the “upper” chamber.
    I will avoid making snide comments about the “upper” chamber.
    I will avoid making snide comments about the “upper” chamber.
    Hoo boy . . . Glad I got THAT out of my system.

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