Election Day Circular Stream of Consciousness Thoughts

1. How come they make a big deal out of the election eve voting in Notchville Dix, or Dixville Notch, or whatever the hell it is? The local Chamber of Commerce there has an even better scam going than the Marfa Lights. Marfa's been stealing tourists' money for years.

2. Speaking of stealing, the Texas Weekly "Out There" column guy linked to my "yard sign thefts in my neighborhood" article, but not my "election night drinking game" article. That he is more attracted to stealing than substance abuse indicates that he, whoever he is, has a promising future ahead of him in politics. It would be even more promising if he was drawn to both, however - with extra credit points if he is married, but gettin' some on the side. I strongly suggest Texas Weekly publisher Ross Ramsey keep a close eye on him for a while.

3. Speaking of my neighborhood yard sign thefts, that situation made the TV last night. I am not, however, responsible for the so-called "American" who has a life size cardboard cutout of George W. Bush, and for the record, she lives in Zilker, not my neighborhood. She reportedly tried to move into my neighborhood, but she was stopped at the border by the authorities.

4. Speaking of TV, I'm on it tonight. If you're in the Austin area for election night, tune into News8Austin beginning shortly after 6 p.m. for the thrill of watching me pretend like I know what the hell is going on. RPT's Hans Klingler will also be there all night, with other guests rotating in, including the lovely and talented Hector Nieto with TDP (who, on TV, always looks kind of like a Muppet , but I mean that in a good way). We are apparently broadcasting live from the roof of the studio building, and my main goal is to bet Hans on the outcome of the Presidential race. The loser has to jump.

5. Speaking of election night, how did I get tricked into missing all the election night parties? Does the TV station have some H.R. policy against drinking tequila on the roof?

6. Speaking of tequila, how did I manage to run out of it on election eve? That's just poor planning.

7. Speaking of election eve, how come they get to jump the gun and vote on election eve in Notchville Dix, or Dixville Notch, or whatever the hell it is?