Letters From Texas Holiday Gift Guide, Part II

Here's Part I

You know the drill - this crap ain't gonna put itself under the tree. Lets get to it:

For Pro-life Texas Legislators: So many of them believe that life begins at conception. Based on their votes to cut childrens health insurance, siphon money out of public schools, make a college education less accessible, and expand the death penalty to include parking violations, many of them also think life ends at birth. Those inconvenient details aside, what better way to note their courageous stand to end a woman's right to control her own decisions than the fetus cookie cutter?

For New Parents: the true spirit of Christmas lives in the hearts of children. What better way to mark that special time of year than to give the gift that keeps on giving, the soon-to-be-bestselling book, "How To Traumatize Your Children." For the narcissistic parent on your Christmas list, this book is the perfect guide to having a dysfunctional family! It includes chapters such as "Imagination is an Unaffordable Luxury," "Your Child's Cues and Needs: Ignore Them," and "Push Them Now, Before It's Too Late."

For Pet Lovers: Nothing says "Christmas gift for somebody who almost didn't make my list" like a calendar, so for the animal lovers on your list, don't miss out on the 2009 Dog Poop Calendar. I don't even know what else to say about a photographer this bored.

This has been your Letters From Texas Holiday Gift Guide, Part II. Now that you've got the goods for your friends' Christmas stocking, stuff it!