Solemnly Swearing

Those watching the Presidential inauguration (which includes everybody in the known universe, except perhaps a few East Texans who failed to pay their cable bill) may have noticed a dicey moment between President Barack Obama and Chief Justice John Roberts, when Roberts administered the oath of office.

Interestingly, Obama is the first President in history who, while in the U.S. Senate, voted against the confirmation of the Chief Justice who eventually administered his oath. Roberts was also opposed by Vice President Biden.

The inaugural awkwardness passed quickly, so as a public service, Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters, C-Span Division, presents the full transcript of the exchange:

Roberts: Are you prepared to take the oath, Senator?

Obama: I am.

Roberts: I, Barack Hussein Obama…

Obama (interrupting): I, Barack…

Roberts: …do solemnly swear…

Obama: I, Barack Hussein Obama, do solemnly swear…

Roberts: that I will execute the office of President of the United States faithfully…

Obama: …that I will execute…

Roberts: …faithfully the office of President of the United States…

Obama: Wait a damn minute, isn’t it supposed to be “faithfully execute?”

Roberts: With all due respect, Mr. President, I’m the judge here. Just repeat what I say.

Obama: Why would I do that? I didn’t even vote for your confirmation. If I had my way, you’d be teaching first year law in some hell-hole backwater unaccredited law school in the Bahamas. And another thing – couldn’t you have invested in that ‘Hair Club for Men’ stuff before gracing my stage with your big fat bald spot?

Roberts: Look you skinny little twit, lets just get through this, shall we? And by the way, you might be the President after today, but my court has the last say on everything, and we’ll be weighing in on your cute little so-called “pro-choice” crap, buster!

Obama: Says you, mo-fo, but just try it and I’ll expand the size of the court, which a Democratic Congress and I can do whether you like it or not, since the Constitution doesn’t say how big the court has to be. And by the time I get through with you, you won’t be able to find that other jackass Scalia in the crowd!

Roberts: Look, now you made Michelle drop the Lincoln bible!

Obama: How the hell would you know it’s a bible, you apparently can’t even read an oath, one sentence at a time!

Roberts: You little snit, how’s about I rule that it’s constitutional for me to kick your ass?

Obama: You couldn’t even kick John Paul Stevens’ ass, and that’s if he spotted you the first 5 swings. And he’s older than dirt!

We’re off to a great start, don’t you think?

Update: The New York Post has the story under the best headline.



4 Responses to Solemnly Swearing

  1. cyrus January 21, 2009 at 4:55 pm #

    Well done Harold.

    btw, that’s spelled “Stevens”…

  2. John January 21, 2009 at 5:17 pm #

    I believe it’s John Paul Stevens who’s older than dirt. John Roberts and dirt are exactly the same age.

  3. FUBAR January 21, 2009 at 5:21 pm #

    Corrected – thanks!

  4. cactusflinthead January 21, 2009 at 11:30 pm #

    That was hilarious. Going to spread that around.

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