Dear Stephen Colbert:

I was shocked and dismayed beyond belief this morning when I woke up, got my Austin American-Statesman off my lawn, and read about your show last night.

Well, ok, that’s a big lie. No actual human beings subscribe to the Austin American-Statesman, or any other newspaper in America. I actually read it on the interwebz like everybody else. But back to my shock and dismay.

Imagine my surprise when I read in Jason Embry’s First Reading that you have stolen my work product!

Here’s what the Austin American-Fishwrapper said about what happened on your show last night, April 20th:

Stephen Colbert on Monday weighed in on Gov. Rick Perry’s slight hint that secession isn’t out of the question for Texas. (It really is by the way). Colbert said, “Oklahoma better get to work on that border fence.”

Meanwhile, here’s what I said here, on April 17th, which was also published with my permission on Burnt Orange Report the same day:

…we must take issue with the border wall your country is now constructing, segregating us from the American states of Louisiana, Arkansas, Oklahoma, and New Mexico. Well, we don’t mind the Oklahoma wall so much, but you get the point.

Even as we speak, my massive team of lawyers at Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters is gearing up to sue the dog snot out of you, Comedy Central, parent company Viacom, and the Austin American-Statesman. We will then quietly drop the Statesman from the suit, because they haven’t actually done anything wrong, plus they’re dead broke anyway. We will be seeking damages well into two figures.

You have been warned, bucko.

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