LFT Worldwide Headquarters Austin City Election Endorsements

I can't count the number of times in recent days in which somebody has walked to up me and asked, "FUBAR, who are you voting for in the Austin city elections?" Well actually, yes I can: zero. But despite lack of demand, we herein present...

FUBAR's Election Picks

Mayor

Lee Leffingwell. The choice is clear. Austin is not ready for a mayor named "Brewster." Or, rather, Austin may have been ready 100 years ago, but not now. Similarly, Austin isn't ready for a mayor who can't even keep up with her last names or political party affiliations.

Place 1

Perla Cavazos. The other guy doesn't even have a car, for Christ sake. This is Texas - get a car, then we'll talk. Plus, Perla is f'ing HAWT, and that's good enough for me. And oh yeah, she's smart too, but apparently that's not very important.

Place 2

Mike Martinez. Why are we even discussing this? Who the hell is that other guy? Get off my ballot, silly other guy.

Place 5

I remain firmly undecided in this race. There are rumors that Bill Spelman is favored by some.

Place 6

Sheryl Cole. She's my neighbor, and that should be good enough for you. Vote for Sheryl, or the terrorists win.

This has been your Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters Austin City Election Endorsements. These are not suggestions - the choices are mandatory. You have been instructed.