George W. Bush’s Attorney General Alberto Gonzales finally found work. He’ll be teaching a political science class at Texas Tech University, already the most prestigious university in all of West Lubbock. Many news reports could have told you that much, but Letters From Texas, Ivory Tower Division, goes the extra mile and exclusively reports this draft of:
Professor Alberto Gonzales
Political Science 2303
Tuesdays-Thursdays 9-11:30 am
Class 1: The silly and trivial notion of habeas corpus: liberal evil at work.
Class 2: Domestic eavesdropping for fun and profit.
Class 3: U.S. Attorneys: you appointed ‘em, and you can fire ‘em.
Class 4: Waterboarding is a Club Med activity: the torture is only torture if we use the word “torture.”
Class 5: Congressional Testimony: why the phrases “I don’t know” and “I can’t remember” are unacceptable when your children try it, but work just fine for Attorneys General.
Class 6: Why being a “Yes Man” is highly underrated. (co-lecture with Condoleezza Rice)
Class 7: Life after public service, and how I should have left “Dick Cheney’s Bitch” off my resume.
Class 8: Final Exam