Dear Texas Reporters:

You fall for it every time. Stop it. Just stop it.

After every legislative session, The Only Governor We've Got trots all over the state doing ceremonial bill signing events. And like the lemmings some of you have become, you wander down to the event and cover it, as if it's actual news.

Here's the news: it's not real. All the regular session bills Rick Perry was ever going to sign already got signed weeks ago, by law. Perry even has ceremonial bill signing events for legislation a governor's not allowed to sign, and you still cover it. You'll seldom catch anybody in the Capitol press corps attending these events - they know better. It's you b-market people he's fooling.

But fine, whatever. I understand that you have to fill up all that space in between the ads with something. In that vein, if you insist on continuing to cover such pointless drivel because it's painlessly fed to you and you don't have to do any actual work, here are other stories with equal news value and relevance that I encourage you to also cover:

The ceremonial Rick Perry hand-washing of the gubernatorial jockstrap, following the official Gubernatorial ceremonial jog.

The ceremonial Rick Perry annual dental exam and teeth cleaning.

The ceremonial Rick Perry 50,000 mile scheduled maintenance and tire rotation.

The ceremonial Rick Perry watering of the office plants.

The ceremonial Rick Perry trip to the urinal following the ceremonial drinking of a gubernatorial brewski.