One of the first posts ever on this blog was the story of a porn star running for public office in Italy, in a Rome city council race. Months later, we even did a follow-up post on it, complete with a campaign poster. At the time I thought Molly Ivins had been writing about politics in the wrong country. This stuff practically writes itself.
Apparently I was wrong about Molly’s geographical choices, because she needn’t have traveled very far from Texas. Meet Stormy Daniels, who has reportedly launched an exploratory committee to run for the U.S. Senate in Louisiana, against David Vitter.
You remember Vitter, don’t you? He’s the family values guy who likes prostitutes. I know, I know – there are so many of those guys in D.C. these days that it’s hard to keep up. That’s why we here at Letters From Texas Worldwide H.Q. work so hard to keep you up-to-date on the seedy side of things. You can thank us later.
But, back to Stormy Daniels. See, the thing is, Ms. Daniels is also a porn star. And apparently, things are already a bit too stormy in Louisiana, because Ms. Daniels’ political consultant’s car was blown up last week. He thinks maybe it was somebody trying to send a message. It was either that, or he ignored that little warning light on his dashboard one too many times.
But also last week, Ms. Daniels was arrested, on a battery charge, thus making Ms. Daniels the only candidate for public office who can kill an advantageous news cycle faster than Kay Bailey Hutchison. It seems she (Daniels, not Hutchison, we think) may have hit her husband after some issues came up between them about unpaid bills and who was going to do the laundry.
I have questions. Many, many questions.
First: what exactly is it that qualifies her to be a United States Senator? I mean, I completely appreciate that her Wikipedia page lists many prestigious awards, including the 2003 Adam Film World “Contract Babe of the Year” award; the 2006 award from AVN for Best Supporting Actress for her amazing portrayal in Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre (which I can’t believe I missed – I NEVER get to see the movie before the nominations come out, damn it!); and as a two time winner of the F.A.M.E. Award for Favorite Breasts, in both 2007 and 2009. But still.
Second: who won that Favorite Breasts award in 2008, thus robbing Ms. Daniels of the triple crown? And what precisely did Ms. Daniels do to climb back on top in 2009?
Third: how do we know that her consultant’s car bombing was related to this political race? I mean, he could have just gotten some folks unrelated to this race P.O.’ed at him, you know? We are talking about Louisiana here.
Fourth: how did this so-called “political consultant” land the gig with Stormy Daniels (porn star), while I’m schlepping around Texas on behalf of people like Judith Zaffirini (honorary nun)? Does this seem fair to you?
Fifth: is the debate between Daniels and Vitter going to be televised nationally, or is there some website I have to join to make sure I don’t miss it? And will this site make it past my firewall?
Sixth: porn stars are married and do their own laundry??! Total buzz kill.
We will be hearing more about this. I’m sure of it.
(H/T to Karie Meltzer, who had the good sense to give me a heads up on this, and the bad sense to want credit for it)