A little funditry to start off the week

There is little doubt that you, the crap-reading public, have been patiently waiting with bated breath for my amazingly insightful opinion on how the statewide Democratic ticket is likely to shape up. You and your breath need not wait any longer – let’s get to it:

The U.S. Senate race, if there is one, will feature either Bill White or John Sharp. Let’s pick Sharp, for discussion purposes.

The governor’s race may evolve such that Tom Schieffer steps aside, dominated by hair care tycoon Farouk Shami’s millions. So let’s assume it’ll be Shami, by a hair.

Meanwhile, with that massive fire burning in his belly for public service, Schieffer won’t just take his marbles and go home, so let’s assume he’ll move into the Lt. Governor’s race.

As for Attorney General, Senator Eliot Shapleigh didn’t just announce on Friday that he wasn’t running for re-election to the Texas Senate so he could stay home and knit, and he’s a hell of a lawyer. A.G. could be his ultimate play.

I look for an unexpected dark horse to jump in and run statewide, since one usually does, and can think of no one better than former State Representative Sue Schechter (D-Houston) to jump back into the ring. Sue’s been making moves toward running for countywide office anyway, so if you’re going to dream, why not dream big? Harris County is a huge base from which to run statewide. Comptroller? Land Commissioner? It could happen.

There you have it: a Sharp-Shami-Schieffer-Shapleigh-Schechter ticket.

Sho, ashuming I’m right, surely Democratsh in the lone shtar shtate will shine. And if the shtatewide candidatesh do well, Democratsh in the shtate Housh of Represhentativesh will shtymie the Republicansh’ effortsh, which shuck.

Our motto: “you can tell us from shinola.”

There’s really only one political consultant who could handle this job. Call George Shipley.

Note to Florence Shapiro: I told you that you should have switched parties. Too late now – train’s left the station.

This has been your Letters From Texas funditry moment.



4 Responses to A little funditry to start off the week

  1. Anonymous October 19, 2009 at 8:46 pm #

    If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were MAKING FUN OF MY LISP.

    Don’t Mesh w/ Pink

  2. Anonymous October 19, 2009 at 10:14 pm #

    Hey, wait a minute. Who is this SCHWERTNER guy running for Gattis’ seat? I say he’s a Republican trying to infiltrate! Release the hounds!

    Don’t Mess w/ Pink

  3. Jason Embry October 20, 2009 at 2:57 pm #

    I think you have an unhealthy obsession with people who stay home and knit.

  4. FUBAR October 21, 2009 at 2:34 pm #

    …and this unhealthy obsession will continue, as long as pesky reporters keep asking the same question 10 times, when I’ve only thought through 9 ways to answer it. 🙂

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