Buh-bye Lou Dobbs

I had a great idea for a post this morning, in which I would write a news story explaining that the real reason Lou Dobbs was leaving CNN was because authorities discovered he’s an undocumented alien. Except then I found out that The Onion had already written that piece. I gotz no Plan B. Drats.

The problem with being a progressive Democrat is that we eventually win, most of the time. We put a ton of time and effort into developing perfectly good villains, then we win and the villain goes away. I’ve still got a garage full of “Newt Gingrich is a damn fool” yard signs. My store room is jam packed with “Tom DeLay is a douchebag” bumper stickers. The corner of my office has two unused cartons of “Tom Craddick Has Got to Go” oversized postcards, yet unmailed. We eventually ran out of photoshop ideas for Palin. At least I’m out of stock on Rush Limbaugh materials – he’s too fat and drugged up to go anywhere for a long time anyway, so we eventually lost interest.

Fact is, Lou Dobbs exiting the scene is a big blow – villain-wise, now we have to start over again with somebody new.

Being Democrats, there’s a lot of infighting at the meetings, so I dread the nomination process for The Next Villain. We always get in big arguments at our secret socialist meetings, starting with piling on whoever brought the boring snacks and the fact that Naishtat ate ’em all before most even arrived. You should have seen the dust-up when we were figuring out who would get to be on the death panel. And, I swear, nobody wanted to take their turn hiding Obama’s birth certificate.

But alas – these are our burdens to shoulder. Meanwhile, have fun Mr. Dobbs, wherever you land. Don’t let the screen door hitcha.



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