Weekly Poll Wrap-Up

The poll question was, “who are you leaning toward in the Austin City Council Place 1 race?”

The question was identical to one appearing now at Burnt Orange Report, in which the site administrators seem upset that people are...um...voting.

And without further delay: Perla Cavazos whupped ass with 73% of the vote, while Chris Riley closed with 26%, out of a total 89 votes cast.

Look for the new weekly poll, on top of the right hand sidebar, which will be posted whenever I get around to it.

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Legislating with the Stars

Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters, Time Machine Division, has fast forwarded to May. By then, the Texas Legislature's daily deliberations could be on statewide T.V. every day. Let's look in on the Texas Senate to see if Senator John Whitmire's worry of additional grand-standing turned out to be justified:

Off-camera announcer: Welcome to today's deliberations of the Texas Senate, brought to you by Tampax! (this offer void where prohibited; substantial penalty for early withdrawal)

Lt. Governor Dewhurst, from the President's Desk: [slams gavel] The Senate will come to order; the Secretary will call the roll. But before that, I'd like to sing you a little number...this one kills 'em in the Catskills...a-one and-a-two and-a....

Off-camera director: Cut! Bring in the stunt Lt. Governor!

Senator Whitmire: Wait a cotton-pickin' minute here, Mr. President, with all due respect, can we just get to the business at hand?

Senator Shapiro: Mr. President, respectfully, I agree with my good friend John Whitmire, who despite being a total liberal whose legislation my staff is trying to kill even as I speak, is still a good friend. We should get to the people's business, which incidentally can be found on my website, www-dot-Florence-Shapiro-For-U.S.-Senate-dot-com. Texans can go to this very tasteful website to get a complete review of the high priority issues, and also a few recipes my family enjoys, which are both good and good for you, and....

Senator Patrick: Mr. President, may I be recognized for a motion to recess until such time as the Texas Senate cable channel may be viewed only by born-again Christians?

Dewhurst, taking a break from wrestling the stunt Lt. Governor from the podium: Senator Patrick, you are not recognized for that purpose.

Senator Patrick: In that case, may I be recognized to ask why Senator Gallegos is wearing a firefighters uniform, complete with helmet and air tank?

Dewhurst: Sorry, no. Senator Shapleigh, for what purpose do you rise?

Senator Shapleigh: Mr. President, I rise to explain to all Texans, wherever they may be, why the great City of El Paso is the greatest place on earth, and also to mention that we always get screwed, no matter what, despite the fact that I think we're just great.

Dewhurst: So noted. Senator Van de Putte?

Senator Van de Putte: Mr. President, I'd like to be recognized to speak on my legislation stressing the importance of family planning.

Dewhurst: After raising about 23 kids, it's about time you figured that out. [cue rim shot/audience laugh track] But, no. Instead, at this time the Chair lays out S.B. 20. The Secretary will read the bill.

Senate Secretary: S.B. 20, by Lucio and Hinojosa, sending every last red cent to the Rio Grande Valley.

Dewhurst: The chair recognizes Senator Lucio to explain the bill.

Senator Lucio: Thank you Mr. President. Mr. President and members, Senator Hinojosa's and my legislation is good for Texas. And I will explain why in just a moment, but first, I would like to honor each citizen in my district, by name, alphabetically. First, Mr. Aaron Aardvark is a fine American and a close friend, who has distinguished himself by....

Whitmire: Mr. President, honestly - when are we going to get on with it??

Dewhurst: The Senate will stand at ease, pending these important messages from our sponsors. [slams gavel]

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How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Yep. He's back. Dick Cheney.

He's made several things clear with this interview.

First, that his staff has not informed him that the election is over.

Second, that he wants credit for terrorists' failure to attack on U.S. soil since 9-11.

And third, that he's got a fat book deal in the works, and he's warming up to get rich(er) off of it.

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All the news that's printed to fit

Several items noticed lately:

Other cable systems, on the other hand, are apologizing for accidentally interrupting their porn broadcasts with the Superbowl.

Here's the most appropriate criminal suspect name I've encountered lately.

And speaking of names, friends of this reporter must be wondering when she will get married, thus changing hers.

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Poll Dancing

Those fun-loving party animalitos at Burnt Orange Report are annoyed that both campaigns for Austin City Council Place 1 are gaming their system in voting for their online poll.

I have a different philosophy. Game the system. Game it good and hard. Game the system 'til sweat glistens from the system's voluptuous body. Then game it good and hard one more time, because, what the hell, lots of serious stuff gets said and done in politics, lets have some fun too.

So my poll, identical to BOR's, is on top of the right hand sidebar. Bend it 'til it breaks. Knock yourself out. Let 'er rip, tater chip. The one with the most votes by Friday afternoon may or may not win the race, but they'll win the "my supporters can figure out how to vote more than your supporters in a meaningless blog poll" contest. Make the meaningless mean something.

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Weekly Poll Wrap-Up

The poll question was “The Governor's race between Hutchison and Perry will quickly heat up. What will be among the first accusations made?”

Coming in at first place with an overwhelming 80% was “Perry will accuse Hutchison of supporting communist liberal policies such as educating people, providing health care for children, and generally being against corruption.” Between the time the poll was posted and the time it closed, Hutchison again voted for SCHIP, thus immediately substantiating the theory.

In second place with a pathetic little 13% was “Hutchison will accuse Perry of having campaigned for Al Gore in 1988, which, come to think of it, is actually true.”

Tied for third place with a microscopic tiny miniscule 3% apiece were “Perry will accuse Hutchison of secret money laundering and implicate her in the murder of federal agents. Oh wait, that was the race against Sanchez” and “Hutchison will accuse Perry of worshiping Satan.”

The new poll is on top of the right hand sidebar. Vote on it there, and comment on it here.

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