If she thinks email is bad, wait 'til somebody tells her about the Facebook and the Twitter

Meet Lucille Drain, who until last month was the oldest elected official in Texas. At the age of 96, she's resigned her Newark City Council seat before the end of her term, after 26 years of service.

The main reason for her early resignation? Here's what the Wise County Messenger reported, from her resignation letter:

"The main reason for resigning early before term ceases, I care not to work with new council members through computers with all the questions and answers cut and dried before meetings."

Adding, "I don't think the city can be run by computers," she took it to the house.

You're wise beyond your years, Lucille. Utterly charming. Thank you for your public service.

Read more...

Explained: Governor candidate musical chairs

Lots of movement in the race for Governor today. Houston Mayor Bill White made it official and announced his candidacy for Governor, while Hank Gilbert made it official and un-announced his.

Ok, that's a bit confusing, so let me back up and explain in more detail.

Months ago, Hank told Tom Schieffer, who was running for Governor, that Hank would run for Agriculture Commissioner, but then Hank instead announced for Governor, which Tom was already running for. Now, Hank is miffed that Bill told Hank that Bill would run for U.S. Senate, before Tom endorsed Bill and Bill announced for Governor, which Hank was running for, but Tom suddenly wasn't. So Hank is supporting Farouk for Governor, which Farouk is running for, but Hank isn’t. Now Hank's running for Agriculture Commissioner, which is what he said he'd do in the first place.

I'm glad I could clear all that up for you. It's so simple, really.

Read more...

Sarah Palin Book Tour Update

As Sarah Palin brings her book tour to Texas today, Letters From Texas thought this might be as good a time as any to remind you pesky commie pinko reporters about The Official Sarah Palin Book Tour Media Guidelines:

1. if you're a foreign reporter, you're not invited.

2. if you're a reporter who doesn't speak English, don't bother showing up.

3. if you dare speak to Sarah Palin, you are commanded to address her as "Governor."

4. on the above issue of speaking to Sarah Palin, you won't be speaking to Sarah Palin. In the event that you want to try to speak to Sarah Palin anyway, your request for an interview must first go to her publicist.

5. if you're recording audio...oh wait - you're not allowed to record audio.

6. if you want to shoot video, you're only allowed to shoot the first 10 minutes of the event, without audio.

You think I'm kidding don't you? Guess again.

Read more...

Tiger Woodshed

You, the crap-reading public, cannot be faulted for a bit of intellectual curiosity. You're dying to ask me how, as a certified paid professional in delicate matters of crisis management messaging and media, I would advise Tiger Woods. The solution is really quite easy. If you were also a certified paid professional in such delicate matters, you would undoubtedly already know this. Since you're not, I will generously share this easy solution. You can thank me later.

As one can easily tell from this exclusive Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters (Public Opinion Division) chart, things do indeed look quite bleak for Tiger Woods at the moment, now that the entire world knows he's been cheating on his way-hot wife.

However, there is hope for a quick rehabilitation of Mr. Woods' popularity, as illustrated by this other chart showing the amazing and near-instant public opinion rehabilitation of another celebrity.

When I said it would be easy, I meant for me, not him. Good luck there, Casanova, you're on your own, buddy.

Read more...

Lamar Smith shills for insurance company status quo

I got a call from an old friend yesterday. He never votes in Republican primary elections, and doesn't live in Congressman Lamar Smith's district.

Despite these facts, he got an auto-call from Smith, which resulted in a voicemail on my friend's cell phone, which he saved.

Here's the question posed by Smith (30 seconds into the recording):

"Under the health care plan Democrats passed, if you do not buy the government-prescribed health insurance, you can be fined or put in jail for up to five years. Do you want the government to have the power to make you buy health insurance?"

Scare tactics, pure and simple - on behalf of insurance companies who want to maintain the status quo. And, oh yeah, he also makes it clear that the call was paid for with your tax money.

Here's the voicemail. The beginning was cut off by the outgoing greeting, then the call terminated due to a lack of response:

Read more...

FUBloopers in the News

Somebody who dishes it out to others as often as I do should be able to take a shot every once in a while, and here's a pretty good one.

While at News8Austin earlier today taping an interview for later broadcast, I suddenly broke into an unexpected coughing fit (of greater duration than this re-mix suggests, actually). After heavily doctoring the out-take, the so-called "paid professionals" in the newsroom sent me this video.

Thanks to political reporter Karina Kling and photographer John Pope for being much more professional than I am. But then again, who isn't?

Read more...