A note from Rahm Emanuel

CONFIDENTIAL MEMORANDUM

FROM:  Rahm Emanuel

TO:  White House Message Team

SUBJECT: Tonight’s State-of-the-Union Address

Team, sorry if I seem a bit disjointed in this memo, but some glitch in the White House email system means that one wrong keystroke on my end, and instead of this going to you, it will end up on Harold Cook’s stupid blog down in that God-forsaken Texas. The I.T. people are looking into it, and the glitch should soon be solved.

That aside, I have absolutely no reason to believe that the President’s speech tonight won’t be stellar. He intends to re-connect with the middle class. He’ll talk a lot about jobs and the economy, and he’ll remind voters why they supported us in the first place.

But just in case the speech falls flat, here are some things to remember, as you talk to reporters.

First, people need to know that if tonight’s speech falls flat, it’s no reflection on the White House or the Democratic majority in Congress. Rather, it’s Martha Coakley’s fault. The details of that will be covered later, but trust me – it’s because of something she did.

Second, the American public needs to be reminded that if they don’t like the President’s state-of-the-union speech tonight, it’s no surprise. Because, after all, President Obama inherited a really crappy state-of-the-union speech from George Bush. People should understand that it’s just going to take some time to edit out the failed state-of-the-union speeches from the previous administration, and they should be reminded that the state-of-the-union speech is already much better than it was just one year ago when we took office.

But again, I believe these contingency message components will be completely unnecessary, because I know that President Obama will deliver a speech tonight which will make all the Blue Dogs in Congress so proud they’ll want to wag their tails and lick their privates. I hope they mention how much they liked the speech, as they go to the bar later to belt down a few with their favorite insurance company and defense contractor lobbyists.

Comments

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5 Responses to A note from Rahm Emanuel

  1. Don't Mess w/ Pink January 27, 2010 at 10:35 pm #

    Who cares? The Saints won!

  2. whiskeydent January 27, 2010 at 10:39 pm #

    They may be privates to you buster, but the Blue Dogs refer to them as, ahem, their generals
    (Thanks to a certain House member who misfired in her attempt to say genitals).

  3. Anonymous January 27, 2010 at 10:48 pm #

    Does anyone actually listen to these things anymore? Come on, there’s infinitely more important television on tonight…Texas vs. Tech basketball on ESPN, Real World on MTV, hmmm reruns of Futurama on Comedy Central will likely be more eduacational, and vastly more entertaining!

  4. Don't Mess w/ Pink January 28, 2010 at 3:23 am #

    Wait. I was kidding. You know, sports = opiate of the masses and all that. Were you?

    Whose winning the Texas game?

  5. Don't Mess w/ Pink January 28, 2010 at 3:24 am #

    Whose? Sheesh.

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