Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters can exclusively report that Democratic gubernatorial candidate Farouk Shami has hired yet another new press secretary – none other than Dr. Seuss!
Here’s a sneak preview of the first press release the campaign reportedly intends to distribute later today:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Febrary 18, 2010
CONTACT: Dr. Seuss
Farouk Shami: he has a brain and he will reign!
Shami Shami that’s his name,
He’ll make new jobs or quit in shame.
He’s rich because your hair needs care,your hair care made a millionaire.
He’ll beat that wonky guy Bill White,
and it will truly be a sight.
The voters Shami will excite,
and then the future will be bright.
Rick Perry. he is just a ham
about our folks he gives no damn.
up his ass Farouk will cram,
Because we love him, Sham he am!
-30-
Confidential (or perhaps not) memo to selected key staff:
Can somebody tell me who the hell this Suess guy is and why he’s putting out these news releases that completely undermines our campaign’s “no iambic pentameter ever!!!” message? And has anyone even bothered to check if he’s a real doctor?
I swear, if the press picks up on the fact that Shami is pro-rhyme instead of pro-reason, they’ll have a field day and that fate will doom our candidate. Oh shit, now I’m rhyming. I quit. Goddammit, did it again! Why can I not just put down this pen?
As we all know, there are two kinds of people
1) those of us who open the mouth and insert a foot
2) and then there is Farouk, who opens his mouth and exchanges the foot
Farouk will finish in the single digits on election eve.