Democrats in big trouble? Not so fast, bucko

It is perfectly understandable why you, the crap-reading public, would want me, a paid professional with full understanding of things you could never hope to comprehend, to explain in highly technical terms why I believe Democrats in Texas and across the nation are in pretty good shape electorally, contrary to the frequent utterances of so-called “pundits.”

It is equally understandable that you might wish to complain about the previous run-on sentence. But I cannot be bothered with such trifles. I digress.

Without further delay, here is my highly technical explanation of why Democrats will hold their own in November.

It had previously been assumed that this election would be one of serious anti-Democratic sentiments among the electorate. This, some claim, is well-proven based on the fact that nation-wide, goobers with dumb signs have gathered to loudly say stupid stuff. These aforementioned goobers have been legitimized because they have been joined at their events by high-minded deep-thinking rocket surgeons such as Glen Beck, Sarah Palin, and Rick Perry.

Governor Perry’s participation as such events has been particularly convincing, since he – a leading anti-government activist – has for a decade been in charge of the government.

However, over time, research has shown that the election is at least as much about anti-incumbency as anti-Democratic feelings among voters.

The Gallup Organization has measured this nation-wide all summer. They simply take a computer thingie, and plug in those random sample whachamacallits, then contacting voters through the telephone gizmo, they gather stuff called “data,” then plug them back into the computer contraption.

And what any highly-qualified professional would plainly see as a result of this…is a big fancy graph of a penis:

Remember how Republicans have been crowing all Summer long that it’s impossible for the Democrats to avoid being trounced this fall, because the generic balloting was -10 percent for Democrats? Turns out, by the measure Republicans have used to attempt to destroy Democratic voters’ spirit, the Republican lead has vanished.

This, however, does not take into account that Democrats don’t have spirits, since according to Republicans we are all going to Hell.

This has been your Letters From Texas highly technical explanation of why Democrats won’t be trounced.



5 Responses to Democrats in big trouble? Not so fast, bucko

  1. Shanerrific September 9, 2010 at 3:51 pm #

    Fabulous. Nothing like political graphs forming a penis.

  2. GreenApples September 9, 2010 at 6:11 pm #

    Best explanation I’ve read!

  3. whiskeydent September 9, 2010 at 9:14 pm #

    It would be sad, sad graph if support for both parties became, uh, limp.

    BTW, you stole rocket surgeon from me you damned brain scientist.

  4. FUBAR September 9, 2010 at 9:17 pm #

    whiskeydent, how cute that you think you invented that:

  5. whiskeydent September 10, 2010 at 2:21 pm #

    But FUB, I stole it a long time ago. In any event, political geniuses, such as ourselves, should figure out how to inject some Viagra into that there graph.

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