Archive | March, 2012

Headline of the day so far

This marks the first time in recent memory in which a man made himself eligible for the death penalty twice instead of the usual once.

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The war on women: the stakes

Lone Star Project get down to the bottom of it in this powerful new video.

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Did you assume compelling journalism was dead?

Think again, bucko.

Update: the reporter/strip club entertainer in question has broken her silence on twitter, with this hysterically funny tweet:

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Boyd Richie was THIS close to a clean get-away

The Texas Democratic Party has really screwed the pooch this time.

As most Democratic candidates, officeholders, and activists in Texas already know, Chairman Boyd Richie is planning to step down at the end of his term at this Summer’s state convention. Serving as Chairman (of either political party, no doubt) is a tough job, and in my opinion Chairman Richie has worked hard and played the cards he was dealt masterfully.

Except, not so fast, bucko.

Dumb: Just when Boyd and his lovely wife Betty were this close to a clean get-away, they foolishly agreed to appear at a big event roasting both of them, on April 28th in Austin, benefitting the Democratic Party.

Dumber: I’ll be the Master of Ceremonies.

Dumbest: The Democratic Party agreed that I can say anything…yes anything…I want.

Now generally, I have a rule here on the blog – if Comedy Central won’t air it (without bleeps), I won’t write it. I shamelessly have no such rule for live events. I’m kind of Bob Saget-ish that way.

So yeah, you might want to leave the kids at home, this event, or at least my participation in it, is going to be solidly R-rated. Of course, you know damn well your kids say that kind of stuff every time you’re out of hearing range, but you like to irrationally pretend they’re delicate flowers. But I digress.

This dinner is going to be a lot of fun, so I really hope you’ll consider attending. I intend to ridicule everybody on the stage – except perhaps Betty Richie, because she’s nice, smart, and honestly, she’s pretty hot and I don’t want to ruin my chances with her. But everybody else is way fair game.

Please don’t miss it!

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Buzz from the TV show: Hutchison rips Perry

No, the above headline isn’t a flashback from a couple of years ago. Yesterday, Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison ripped Rick Perry a new one for messing up the Women’s Health Care Program in Texas.

So of course this came up in this week’s episode of YNN’s Capital Tonight. Here was my reaction:

You can watch the entire episode of Capital Tonight in its entirety this Sunday morning at 11 am on YNN Austin, elsewhere in Texas on the Texas Network, channel 888 on Time-Warner systems. Or you can watch the episode on the web any time.

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That does it.

Clearly the City of Austin needs to ban texting while walking.

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RIP Startlegram Capitol Bureau

Last night’s going-away celebration for the irrepressible Dave “Davey Joe” Montgomery, the last (damn good) man standing in the once-proud Austin bureau of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram was both fun and bittersweet. The room was decorated with photos of reporters past and present, and lined with old front pages of the newspaper with legendary bylines such as Molly Ivins, Jake Dyer, Jay Root, John Moritz, Karen Brooks, and many others. But of course since Jay Root was kind enough to put together the event, most of the front pages in the room had Jay Root bylines. Funny how that works.

Here’s how universally-respected and well-liked the former Startlegram writers and editors are in this town – it brought together these two unlikely people.

Harold, Perry Presidential Campaign Spokesman Mark Miner

With Dave’s departure, the Startlegram bureau is no more – another victim of buyouts, layoffs, and cutbacks. Anybody think that’ll improve news coverage of the goings-on of the folks you elect? I didn’t think so.

Caption contest in the comments section! You gotta be nice. (at least to Miner)

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Women’s Health Program – Buzz from the TV show

On the latest episode of Capital Tonight on Austin’s YNN and Time-Warner’s Texas Network, Republican Ted Delisi and I were asked about the demise of the Women’s Health Program in Texas. It will shock you to know that we are not in agreement.

And unfortunately, that 10th Amendment stuff is not at all where I intended to go with that argument (gotta love live TV). What I should have said – and what is accurate – is that the State of Texas’ action prevents women from choosing their own doctors and health care providers Therein lies the fatal violation to the federal rules and regs, and why the feds have absolutely no choice but to discontinue the program.

You can watch the entirety of this discussion, as well as the entire episode of Capital Tonight, this Sunday at 11 am on YNN Austin, Time-Warner’s Texas Network in other Texas media markets, or right this minute online.

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Sid Miller’s social media lesson – the comments he didn’t want you to see

Texas State Representative Sid Miller (R-eject), the author of the invasive sonogram law in Texas, got a quick lesson in social media today, when on Facebook he posted the Doonesbury cartoon featuring state legislator “Sid Patrick.” The cartoon lampoons the sonogram legislation Miller and state senator Dan Patrick passed.

Round Two of Doonsbury today. This time he refers to the house arthur (Sid) and the Senate sponsor( patrick) Well as long as they are talking about you, right.

Sid “JR Ewing” Miller

Yes, it was really spelled “arthur.”

It wasn’t long before angry people began posting on Miller’s Facebook photo. So Miller hid the photo from his wall, not realizing that those who knew the web address at which the photo was located would be able to continue posting. Miller ultimately deleted the photo, and thus the comments.

Except that we grabbed ’em first.

Here are the best of them:

I’m experiencing a heavier than normal period combined with debilitating cramps and a migraine. Ordinarily I’d go to my doctor for advice, but now that I’ve learned that the VA legislature knows more about my ladybits than my doctor does I figured I’d come to you for advice. What do you recommend I do?

Yay for mens and their dangly parts making all the choices for wimmins. Gots to keep us barefoot, pregnant, and ignorant. Maybe every man who goes for a vasectomy should have to look at images of the millions and millions of little babies hSee More

I just want to thank you Mr. Miller. I know I could never make a decision about my own health without your help. In fact, I have a question for you. I am currently on my period and it’s a decidedly strange one. There are extra clots that i See More

Hi Sid, you know I think you’re totally on to something here and I’d just love it if you could see your way to introducing a bill that would have men be responsible for every uterus they come in contact with. Heck I’d rather not have to makSee More

Hey Sid! I’m having some heavy menstrual cramps this month, and I’m not sure what to do about it. I was going to call my doctor, but you seem to be an expert on the female reproductive system, so I figured I’d just ask you! Why go to the doSee More

I’m going to send you my daily vag report so you can help me navigate the tricky business of being a woman. Without Vag Mr Wizards like yourself, ladies would be lost. I’m sure you have that magic cure for PMS or endo or cramps, See More

Come on guys, Sid studied at Cisco Junior College, he is obviously highly trained and informed on medical practices.

Fetuses are people til they become women.

Dear Sid, You are a moron. So is your bill.

Since you are so concerned with my vagina, I’ll give you an update! Because of my birth control, my Vagina is doing fine and dandy today. I have an IUD, so I don’t get a real period. But around the same time every month I get a slightly brSee More

WTF is a house arthur? It sounds like a strapping young man in cut-off Levis who serves drinks and rubs feet.

oh, god… you don’t even know the difference between “author” and “arthur”. Why the hell are you trying to legislate my healthcare when you’re clearly barely even literate?

As awful and unamerican as this bill is, I think I might be more horrified that a physician (as Austin claims to be) cannot spell the name of a commonly-discussed medical procedure. I hope you don’t have any plans to arthur any legislation, like Mr. Miller.

Hey Sid how’s it going? Look, I know you’re busy campaigning and all, so I figured I’d save you some time and leave you a report to peruse at your leisure. For some reason, ever since I passed 40, my pubic hair seems to be growing toward mSee More

this procedure prices a lot of women out of options. but sid isn’t going to pay to feed, clothe or educate the unwanted children once they are born.

Rep. Miller: How come you and your ideological colleagues don’t apply the same logic here as you do with firearms? After all, abortion is LEGAL in this country. So, why should you put so many Big Government restrictions on it?

Update: at the moment, the good Representative still doesn’t have his Facebook page locked down, and despite him deleting the photo, people continue to share their feelings regarding his sonogram bill there.

Another Update: apparently the good Representative has finally awakened his staff, who are removing non-supportive comments now. But they do seem to stay put for a little while at least.

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Q. how can you tell there’s a Republican Presidential primary election in Alabama today?

A.  this is certainly one clear indication.

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Actually, there’s a certain logic to this

Especially if you’re a Saturday Night Live writer. They, of course, would be near the front of the line to want Rick Perry to rejoin the race for President.

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Leslie Cochran: rest in peace. Or fun. Or fashion. Or wherever you want to rest.

Leslie, the life of the party in Austin, has reportedly died.

The life of Leslie Cochran, to paraphrase an old saying seemingly written for him, was not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather one which skidded in sideways with throttle full-out, covered in scars, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming, “whoo-hoo, what a ride!!”

Congratulations, Leslie, on the start of your next great adventure. You will be missed here in Austin.

Here’s the tribute to him I wrote a couple of years ago.

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Just when things can’t get any worse for Republicans, it does

I won’t belabor the take-aways from yesterday’s Super Tuesday results, except to echo the basics, all of which have been prognosticated about incessantly just about everywhere:

— yesterday was supposed to be about Ohio, and it was.

— Romney won Ohio

— Romney won butt-ugly, and will continue to do so in coming weeks, until either Gingrich (presumably) or Santorum (doubtfully) exits the race

— the upcoming primary schedule isn’t particularly kind to Romney, so this rough-and-tumble primary process is likely to continue, and likely to continue to badly hurt Republicans’ odds of faring very well this November

— in case you have any remaining doubt as to how bad this situation has become for Republicans, guess who’s talking about perhaps becoming the solution to this problem? Come on, just guess.

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Beaumont, Texas

…where dreams really do come true.

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Buzz from the TV show – Republican attacks on women

During Thursday’s episode of “Capital Tonight” on YNN Austin, anchor Paul Brown asked me about Texas Governor Rick Perry’s spin on the Women’s Health Care Program.

My short answer: are you kidding me??! (no, I didn’t cuss. But I could see it coming, and silently repeated “I will not cuss I will not cuss I will not cuss I will not…”)

Here’s my longer answer.

You can watch the entire show, which also featured much discussion on redistricting, this Sunday at 11 am on YNN in Austin, or watch it any time on the web.

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