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Pardon our dust…

You may have noticed some design changes around here during the last couple of weeks. Most are esthetic changes, but the one which may affect Letters From Texas readers the most is that comments will now made via your Facebook identity, which will (hopefully) enable a more robust discussion over both platforms – here and on Facebook. The down-side (or up-side, depending on your point of view) is that the change won’t allow for anonymous comments any more, or comments left via screen names users make up just for the blog.

Personally, I may miss the anonymous comments the most, since those were generally the snarkiest. Clearly, we love snark here at

Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters.

Also new is the built-in ability for you to share content to Pinterest, and this is the first political website (that I know of) to offer it. I think Pinterest is one of the more interesting emerging social mediums lately, so we’ll see what happens with that.

I would also invite you to like the new Letters From Texas Facebook fan page – there’s additional content there which is unique from the content here!

Please let us know what you think! And, as always, thanks for playing with us!


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Re-molect me for State Bord of Edumocashun

Juanita Jean has one of the funniest blogs in Texas, and if you’re not already reading it, don’t come back here ’til you have.

Here’s one she caught that I wish I had: you know that Ken Mercer guy, who wants you to re-elect him to the State Board of Education? Turns out he can’t even spell the word “campaign.”

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Well it’s about time!

Finally! This is the big break I’ve been looking for.

The Associated Press has announced their new policy that bloggers should be credited as news sources.

Well, Mr. Big Shot Jay Root, I’m calling you out: you should have covered my big exclusive story on the explosion in El Paso when you had a chance. Now you’re way behind the rest of the news media in reporting episodes of border violence that never actually happened.

And I’m calling you out, Miss Fancy Pants April Castro, for failing to report my big exclusive story on all the places Bill White has been photographed, yet in reality hasn’t been.

Or what about you, Miss “I’d rather be writing about stupid stuff like $18 billion budget shortfalls” Kelley Shannon, who completely missed in-depth analysis about how Tiger Woods could repair his reputation? Completely ignored it.

Clearly it’s time for you Austin Bureau AP people to straighten up and fly right. There’s a new sheriff in town.

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How the hell did THIS happen??!

Today is the first anniversary of Letters From Texas. Nobody’s more surprised than I am that I’m still doing this after a whole year. But I started on impulse, and I’m guessing one of these days I’ll quit on impulse.

Meanwhile, here are a few posts from the past year which were among the most provocative for one reason or another, or at least generated considerable buzz.

Texas Mouthy BurpaBlog

The Spy Who Fed Me

Rodeo Clowns

How To Watch Election Returns

Why Obama, and Hope, Will Win (AKA, the Mae Jackson piece)

Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters thanks you, the crap-reading public, for continuing to read this crap, in public.


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April Fools Blog

Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters is pleased to present to you, the crap-reading public, this little April Fools Day cartoon, starring Ted Delisi and yours truly:

This has been your Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters April Fools Day cartoon.

And oh yeah, if there’s something about the mast head (that’s what SHE said!) you don’t like today, it’s your fault. Readers nominated it, and readers voted for it from among the nominations. 38 percent of blog voters picked “Harold Cook’s Stimulus Package” as the blog name today.

Tying for second with 17 percent apiece were “Burnt Porn Report” and “The Bastard Son of Martha Stewart.” Coming in at 15 percent was “In the Stink,” and bringing up the rear was “Straus of Ill Repute” at 7 percent.

I’m afraid this exercise settles, once and for all, questions regarding the caliber of readers on this site, as well as the caliber of the writing.

The regular mast head will return tomorrow. Meanwhile, on to bigger and better things, namely, wrapping April Fools Day gifts, singing April Fools Day carols, and decorating the April Fools Day tree.

Special note to Texas legislators: how’s that April Fools Day state holiday legislation coming? Anybody ever talk ’em into getting the fiscal note on that thing down to a reasonable level?

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Too much democracy can get dicey, so we’re having a contest

Sometimes, when the powers-that-be ask for public input, they get answers they don’t expect.

Take, for example, the sewage treatment plant in San Francisco, which was almost named for George W. Bush last year.

Or perhaps this recent example, in which NASA asked for public input on what to name a new module of the international space station. The trouble started when NASA allowed write-in votes. Beating out “Serenity,” the top NASA suggestion, was “Colbert,” which collected over 230,000 write-in votes after The Colbert Report show host Stephen Colbert asked viewers to write in his name.

In that vein, we’re having a Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters contest!

This blog’s name will change for one day only: April Fools Day, April 1st. I don’t know what the new name of the blog will be, but you do.

Post your suggestion in the comments section today, for the April Fools Day name for this blog. I’ll take the funniest, most irreverent, or at least most interesting proposed name, and it will become the name of the blog for April Fools. If there are several great ideas, I’ll probably post a poll in a couple of days and let readers decide. UPDATE: I am definitely going to post a poll with several of the best ideas, and readers will decide.

What do you win? Well, nothing except bragging rights, but what the hell, post an entry anyway.

Get to it – this blog ain’t gonna name itself!

Update #2: you can keep commenting if you want, but the finalists are already being polled on top of the right hand sidebar. So scroll up there and vote for your favorite!

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Poll Dancing

Those fun-loving party animalitos at Burnt Orange Report are annoyed that both campaigns for Austin City Council Place 1 are gaming their system in voting for their online poll.

I have a different philosophy. Game the system. Game it good and hard. Game the system ’til sweat glistens from the system’s voluptuous body. Then game it good and hard one more time, because, what the hell, lots of serious stuff gets said and done in politics, lets have some fun too.

So my poll, identical to BOR’s, is on top of the right hand sidebar. Bend it ’til it breaks. Knock yourself out. Let ‘er rip, tater chip. The one with the most votes by Friday afternoon may or may not win the race, but they’ll win the “my supporters can figure out how to vote more than your supporters in a meaningless blog poll” contest. Make the meaningless mean something.

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Texas Mouthy Burpablog

Posted by paulburpa at 3:05 pm

First let me start by saying that Obama is toast. He’ll never win the election. Also, I’ve accepted George W. Bush as my personal savior. He’s just misunderstood.

But I digress. This post is about the speakers race. And by that I mean the speakers race that Craddick cannot possibly lose. Unless he fails to win.

You see, unless you’re me, The Great Paul Burpa, you really have no understanding of anything. Lucky for you, I’m here to explain it to you. You and those damn kid bloggers.

It’s very simple really. Listen carefully. Tom Craddick is the speaker right now.

However, if you take Jim Pitts, and subtract him from the square root of the sum of Edmund Kuempel, Brian McCall, and Senfronia Thompson; then add Burt Solomons, Byron Cook, Delwin Jones, Tommy Merritt, and Jim Dunnam; you have a winning combination.

Unless you don’t, which then means it’s Thursday, and/or you’re in the Mountain Central Time zone, in which case you would subtract Delwin Jones from the total, and instead add in half of the sum of Terry Keel, Kelly Fero, and that lobbyist dude who always stands outside the House floor but who never seems to have any clients. No, wait, you still don’t yet have 76 votes. Unless you do.

What you end up with in this case is a cross between Glen Maxey the time he argued in favor of everybody voting for the resolution picking on gay people somehow, and Debra Danburg and Warren Chisum the time they debated anal sex on the House floor for an hour. Not that either has anything to do with a speaker’s race, but both cases, plus the occassional Garnet Coleman ass-kicking of some random Republican (immediately denied by all involved, to all who witnessed it), represent the rare fully-awake moments I’ve experienced on the House floor for the last 20 years.

But back to the speaker’s race, and the uncanny ability of me, The Great Paul Burpa, to explain it to you. Unless I can’t.

So essentially, if you do the above-described math, it is clear that there is going to indeed be a winner. And there you have it.

What, you thought I’d tell you who the winner would be? Are you nuts? Why would you think I, The Great Paul Burpa, cover breaking political news while perched on top of a monthly travel magazine? So I can tell the likes o’ you? Think again bucko.

Oh no, I shall instead merely inform you that I know exactly what will happen. And you would know too, if you were as smart as The Great Paul Burpa. Rest assured that I will be explaining in depth after it is all over the precise reason it happened, and that I knew all along that the outcome was inevitable. Unless I don’t.

I’m pleased to have clarified the situation for you. Stay tuned next week when I, The Great Paul Burpa, will explain the precise reasoning behind my theory that Harvey Kronberg can kiss my ass. Unless he can’t.

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Attention Facebook Users

If you don’t join my blog network, this kitten will die.

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Reading this from work?

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Letters From Texas Update

Letters from Texas Worldwide Headquarters will be light on the posting from now until the end of the Democratic National Convention. It seems that the event is somewhat important for some reason, or so they claim.

Please feel free to drop snarky comments here, and thanks in advance for your patience. Meanwhile, please accept as a token of my appreciation to you this picture of DNC Chairman Howard Dean with a cute little kitten:

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An imposter!

I don’t wear dorky glasses, and haven’t since the 5th grade.

I don’t live in Georgia, especially not in Union County, which is dry. I would never run for public office, I’m not eligible for senior citizen discounts, and I was never in the United State Air Force.

I would especially never refer to myself as a “conservative.” But most of all, the phrase “Harold Cook can get things done” should be the big tip-off that this guy is a whole different Harold Cook.

But what the hell, if you happen to live in Union County, Georgia, vote for me anyway.

(I have a feeling I’ll be deleting comments all day today. Let’s face it – you people are cruel.)

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Attention Burnt Orange Report:

You could be next.

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