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Congressman Pete Sessions: standing tall for traditional family values

Actually, screw that – he and his wife are splitting up.

He may have another problem: in the event he becomes the latest Republican to be caught up in a scandal and needs to make a quick exit, who is he going to claim to be resigning to spend more time with?

Perhaps this had something to do with that little strip club oopsie. In any event, we here at Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters wish soon-to-be-former Mrs. Sessions a hearty congratulations on her early parole.

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True Drivel

I have no idea how many of you are fans of HBO’s “True Blood.”

But for those who are, have you ever noticed, in the opening credits, the quick footage that goes by of the little kid in the KKK suit? Yeah, you know the one I mean – the shocking quick shot of the brainwashed little boy whose parents undoubtedly dressed him like that and took him to events until the snotty little rug rat believed every word of that garbage? Here he is:

Yeah, well, Sarah Palin’s kid Bristol is beginning to remind me of that little jerk.

Key quote: “[My mother’s] got God on her side.”

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They let this guy vote too

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Family values.

They’re alive and well in the Republican Party. Go git ’em, tiger.

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They let this person vote too

You think I’m kidding?

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Great. Just Great.

NOW what am I supposed to do with this stupid photo?

One Dim Bulb, John Edwards

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Border security.

It’s time we took it seriously.

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Ladies and gentlemen, may I present…

…the next First Lady of the United States of America?

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Election official of the day

Today’s prize goes to Indiana, where they’re doing everything they can to make elections more exciting.

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Leo Berman: a man who has documented nothing so far

After President Obama’s certificate of live birth was made available, Texas State Representative Leo Berman was unconvinced that The President was actually born in the U.S. He demanded proof.

Now that President Obama’s long form birth certificate has been produced, Representative Berman reportedly remains unconvinced, doubting the accuracy of the official document, and explaining that more proof is necessary.

Fair enough. But The President has already provided just about as much proof as exists that shows that he was born in the U.S.

Meanwhile, Representative Berman has provided absolutely no proof whatsoever of many, many things.

We here at Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters choose to begin by demanding proof that he doesn’t dream of young boys while napping on the floor of the Texas House.

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Top ten list of ignorant politicians

Not a surprise: Sarah Palin is on the list.

A disturbing surprise: Sarah Palin is number 4 on the list.

A huge surprise: nobody from Texas is on the list.

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Donald Trump has hell toupee

Donald Trump, slipping another notch down the ridicule slope, has recently become a birther, in his attempt to gain traction with the reality-challenged crowd, so Trump can run for President. Yes, of the country. Yes, of THIS country. Stop laughing, I haven’t even gotten to the joke part yet.

So The Donald has been making the media rounds, joining with other like-minded kooks by suddenly expressing doubt that The Only President We’ve Got was actually born in Hawaii.

Recently, in an attempt to prove how easy it is to obtain your own birth certificate, he proudly proclaimed that it had taken him no more than an hour to obtain his, and he produced it for a conservative website.

Thing it, it’s not real. It’s a commemorative birth certificate, not an official State of New York birth certificate. Not only that, it’s a commemorative birth certificate issued by a hospital to which Trump’s family has contributed heavily.

This “running for President” thing is a little tougher than  it looks, eh Donald?

To quote a certain reality show star, you’re fired.

Update: another candidate trashes Trump.

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Answer: Yes.

Question: should this company change its name?

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Bexar County blues

I have hesitated to write about this, because it’s just too nasty. It’s the San Antonio organization, so you know activists are all-too-happy to fight rough, and draw blood. Insults have been lobbed, law enforcement has been called in, and it would be difficult to imagine what could make the situation more tense.

But finally, at long last, there is a resolution.

What — you thought I was talking about Bexar County Democratic Chairman Dan Ramos’ trials and tribulations? Hell no, he’s a dumbass unworthy of discussion on these pages.

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To our good friends and allies in Israel

We apologize in advance.

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