Archive | Palin

RSS feed for this section

Just when things can’t get any worse for Republicans, it does

I won’t belabor the take-aways from yesterday’s Super Tuesday results, except to echo the basics, all of which have been prognosticated about incessantly just about everywhere:

— yesterday was supposed to be about Ohio, and it was.

— Romney won Ohio

— Romney won butt-ugly, and will continue to do so in coming weeks, until either Gingrich (presumably) or Santorum (doubtfully) exits the race

— the upcoming primary schedule isn’t particularly kind to Romney, so this rough-and-tumble primary process is likely to continue, and likely to continue to badly hurt Republicans’ odds of faring very well this November

— in case you have any remaining doubt as to how bad this situation has become for Republicans, guess who’s talking about perhaps becoming the solution to this problem? Come on, just guess.

Comments { 3 }

True Drivel

I have no idea how many of you are fans of HBO’s “True Blood.”

But for those who are, have you ever noticed, in the opening credits, the quick footage that goes by of the little kid in the KKK suit? Yeah, you know the one I mean – the shocking quick shot of the brainwashed little boy whose parents undoubtedly dressed him like that and took him to events until the snotty little rug rat believed every word of that garbage? Here he is:

Yeah, well, Sarah Palin’s kid Bristol is beginning to remind me of that little jerk.

Key quote: “[My mother’s] got God on her side.”

Comments { 0 }

International newsmaker quote of the day so far

“Lady Thatcher will not be seeing Sarah Palin. That would be belittling for Margaret. Sarah Palin is nuts.”

Comments { 2 }

To our good friends and allies in Israel

We apologize in advance.

Comments { 4 }

Sarah Palin’s plan to clean up the Gulf: pray

Professional Quitter Sarah Palin, on her twitter feed, has rolled out her plan to clean up the Gulf oil spill:

[The] Gulf disaster needs divine intervention as man’s efforts have been futile. Gulf lawmakers designate today Day of Prayer for solution/miracle

Glad to know she has a solid plan: pray. Too bad Palin didn’t think of that earlier. That way she could have merely prayed that B.P. wouldn’t screw things up in the first place.

It seems that Palin and her ilk use prayer as a method for avoiding responsibility for things, instead of as a means to seek inspiration on how best to tackle challenges, and it all reminds me of a story Ann Richards used to tell.

Ann used to talk about a farmer who went to a religious leader to seek inspiration and answers. The farmer asked the man of God why his prayers for good crops had been ignored.

The religious leader replied, “prayer is good, but if you’re praying for good crops, it helps if you pray with a hoe in your hand.”

Meanwhile, for his part, Governor Rick Perry says that the oil spill might be an act of God.

Note to God: you might want to think about getting a higher class of P.R. people working for you – some of the ones you’ve got now blame you for stuff you didn’t do, in efforts to avoid any responsibility for it themselves. Then they call on you to fix it, so they don’t have to. Next they’ll be insisting that you pay for it, so B.P. doesn’t have to.

Comments { 0 }

I must reluctantly admit that Idaho isn’t terrible

I have a dirty little secret. I like Idaho. Always have. It’s cool there. Beautiful mountains. Great trout streams. Even major earthquakes don’t seem to kill anybody. Yeah, sure, I realize that the entire state is infested with the residents of Idaho – I guess they couldn’t keep ’em out, so maybe they should have passed an Arizona plan, but just to keep the Idaho citizens out of Idaho. But I like Idaho anyway.

My sister lives in Idaho, but she’s not one of those people. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones who adore Sarah Palin, except for the ones don’t like Sarah Palin because they think she is too liberal.

However, Idaho has now somewhat redeemed itself by resoundingly rejecting the Palin-endorsed candidate in the Republican primary for the 1st Congressional district, to a slightly less weird Republican.

So, pat yourselves on the backs, Republicans of Idaho. You thus become yet another state with Republicans slightly less wacky than Texas’. Any state in which Sarah Palin’s opinion seems to mean nothing is alright in my book.

Comments { 0 }

Sarah Palin: the very worst kind of human being

I’m not a big fan of White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel. Too often, I just simply disagree with his style points, or lack thereof.

And Texas Republican consultant Dave Carney? To my knowledge we’ve never been on the same side of anything, and will probably never.

Those two both find themselves on the same side of Professional Quitter Sarah Palin’s temper this week, however, because each was quoted using the term “retard,” which Palin finds offensive. It is understandable that Palin’s sensitivity on this issue is highly advanced, since Trig Palin, her youngest son, has Down Syndrome. She called for Emanuel’s resignation over the incident, and her spokesbot called Carney “disrespectful.”

I’m not a particularly political correct kind of guy myself. But as a certain Dallas radio commentator pointed out, here’s the definition of “politically correct:”

“avoiding offense based on race, gender, religion, ideology or any other social grouping such as disability”

And fair enough. Words have meaning. They’re powerful and important things. The words we choose have the power to hurt people or to comfort them. They can pay homage to society’s sensitivities, or inappropriately attempt to callus over them. They can highlight and honor our differences and diversities, or they can demean an entire race or gender or economic class into a forced obscurity and unimportance.

But if you thought I might join Sarah Palin in skewering these guys, you were wrong. Instead I’m going to say that Sarah Palin is the very worst kind of human being imaginable.

What does Sarah Palin herself think of political correctness? Well, I guess this direct quote is clear enough:

“Screw the political correctness.”

Also consider how she originally marketed her twitter account when she first started tweeting. She promised less politically correct tweets once she quit as Alaska’s Governor.

So, to review:

— the very purpose of political correctness is to avoid offending people

— Palin is against political correctness

— Palin is offended when people use the word “retard,” and doesn’t think the word should be used

— Palin has a child with Down Syndrome

Sarah Palin is right about that word. It is a word which hurts people. It’s too bad the only time Palin wants somebody to stop using hurtful words is when her own personal experiences dictate that she’s the one who feels hurt.

Apparently in Palin’s world, other people’s pain is not her concern. Other people’s honestly-held sensitivities aren’t valid, but her sensitivities are. Other people’s real life experiences are irrelevant, but hers are definitive and should be the standard.

Ms. Palin, I suggest that before you haul off and demand somebody’s resignation, and before you sit in judgment of some Republican consultant’s comment, you might consider spending a little time in serious consideration of yet another word: hypocrite. Because not only does that knife cut deeper than you thought, it also turns out to have two blades.

Comments { 1 }

Sarah Palin book tour update

Don’t worry, Palin protesters, avocados will work just fine too, plus they’re on sale this week.

However, I strongly advise against the coconuts – serious injury could result.

Comments { 1 }

Sarah Palin Book Tour Update

As Sarah Palin brings her book tour to Texas today, Letters From Texas thought this might be as good a time as any to remind you pesky commie pinko reporters about The Official Sarah Palin Book Tour Media Guidelines:

1. if you’re a foreign reporter, you’re not invited.

2. if you’re a reporter who doesn’t speak English, don’t bother showing up.

3. if you dare speak to Sarah Palin, you are commanded to address her as “Governor.”

4. on the above issue of speaking to Sarah Palin, you won’t be speaking to Sarah Palin. In the event that you want to try to speak to Sarah Palin anyway, your request for an interview must first go to her publicist.

5. if you’re recording audio…oh wait – you’re not allowed to record audio.

6. if you want to shoot video, you’re only allowed to shoot the first 10 minutes of the event, without audio.

You think I’m kidding don’t you? Guess again.

Comments { 1 }

Sarah Palin Book Tour Update

Sarah Palin, commenting about Newsweek:

“…this ‘news’ magazine has relished focusing on the irrelevant rather than the relevant.”

Newsweek‘s focus? Yup…Sarah Palin.

This has been your Sarah Palin Book Tour Update.

Comments { 2 }

One more Sarah Palin gem…

It’s unsubstantiated rumors’ fault.
It’s bloggers’ fault.
It’s the media’s fault.
It’s gossip’s fault.
It’s Katie Couric’s fault.
It’s the McCain campaign’s fault.
It’s power brokers’ fault.
It’s Tina Fey’s fault.
It’s society’s fault.
It’s sexism’s fault.
It’s partisanship’s fault.
It’s hypocrisy’s fault.
It’s the government’s fault.
But heck yeah, I’d do it again!

Comments { 1 }

Weekly Poll Wrap-Up

We have a tie! And we also had a record number of poll voters, 76.

The poll question was “complete the following sentence: one year from now, Sarah Palin will be doing….”

Tying for first place with 33 percent apiece were two choices: Sarah Palin will be doing Dancing With The Stars and Sarah Palin will be doing Rick Perry. Does that mean Sarah Palin will be doing Rick Perry on Dancing With The Stars?

In second place with 13 percent, Sarah Palin will be doing a Playboy centerfold. This may mean that poll voters would rather Perry see Palin naked than see her naked themselves. Can’t say I blame you there.

And coming in last place with 10 percent, Sarah Palin will be doing two years probation for shoplifting expensive clothes.

Thanks to Whiskeydent for the poll idea. Have a poll idea of your own? Email me with it.

The next weekly poll will be at the top of the right hand sidebar soon.

Comments { 0 }

Yep, it’s come to this.

Comments { 0 }

Palin-mania continues!

Ain’t she just the gift that just keeps on giving??

Check it out – the Sarah Palin baby name generator!

Comments { 5 }

We deeply resent the implication

There have been news reports implying (!) that certain blogs (!) have perhaps played fast (!) and loose (!) with the facts concerning Sarah Palin, if that is indeed her real name. I beg to differ. For example, we haven’t even thought about repeating those unfounded rumors about the pregnant midget lesbian Eskimo being held hostage in the basement of the Palin family home. We wouldn’t think of it.

Well I’ve got news for you, you closet conservative, Palin-supporting, McCain-defending, Bush-loving, corporate news media-apologizing, so-called “reporters” who clearly hate freedom: here at Letters From Texas Worldwide Headquarters, we have convened an expert panel of experts, during which we have experted our expertise until we are blue in our expert faces. We have done the research, we have read all the materials, and we know exactly what we’re talking about.

We even have photographic evidence of our vast expert research. So we don’t want to hear any more of this unpleasantness about inaccuracies. Are we clear on this?

PS: in other news, did you know that Mary-Kate is cheating on her boyfriend? Or that Shannen Doherty is terrorizing the set of the new “90210?” You people really need to keep current on the research.

Comments { 3 }