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Further signs that wacky Texas politicos are falling behind

Honestly, one of the few things Texas politics has had going for it in recent years is the laughs.

Which is why it totally disturbs me when there are clear signs that we are falling behind. Our home-grown wackjobs are increasingly not up to par these days.

Which is why I want you to meet Mark “Coonrippy” Brown. He’s running for governor of Tennessee (as a Republican, of course). He, like so many other Republicans, is concerned about our God-given Constitutional right to keep Rebekah, his pet raccoon. Apparently the Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency took Rebekah away after she…um…did what raccoons do – attacked the chickens at the neighborhood high school. So he’s running for governor to right this wrong. They will pry his pet raccoon from his cold dead fingers.

No word yet on how ol’ Coonrippy plans to blame this on Obama, but I’m totally looking forward to it. There are even signs that Coonrippy’s catching on, since the morning The Daily Caller endorsed him.

If you’re not entertained yet, you’re almost dead to me, but I’ll give you one more chance: Coonrippy also makes videos. Here’s one of him during one of his favorite activities – showering with Rebekah The Chicken-killing Raccoon:

Texas politicos: tighten up your act, before it’s too late!

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Republican outreach to minority voters hits overdrive, seen as wildly successful

Nah, just kidding, the Republicans are totally in the ditch.

Here’s an example of why: right-wing Republican hero Phyllis Schlafly said last week that Latinos have too many children out of wedlock, and don’t understand the Bill of Rights or the concept of small government. She apparently said it in expressing her opinion that the Republican Party shouldn’t reach out to Latino voters at all.

Schlafly, the founder of Eagle Forum, is an undisputed leader in the National Republican Party. According to her bio, she’s played a major role in every Republican National Convention since 1952, and was elected as a delegate to eight of them, most recently in 2012. She ran for Congress as a Republican twice.

How important is she to Republicans? Glad you asked. The Republican-led Texas State Board of Education recently required that school children learn about her in future history textbooks. Imagine the thrill of Texas school children learning all about how stupid Schlafly thinks Latinos are.

Here’s the chapter and verse, excerpted from the rules the SBOE adopted in 2010:

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Gosh, it sounds like we’re really going to be improving public education, while the Republicans improve their political lot with Latino voters!

So, just to review, following the 2012 election, the Republicans paid big-time lip service to doing a better job of reaching out to minorities. One of the most important conservative leaders in the Republican Party – one so important that Republicans in Texas insisted she be featured in future history books – is bigoted against Latinos, and doesn’t mind explaining why.

That, my friends, is how Republican minority outreach efforts are going. Any questions?

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Sh*t John Cornyn heard in a bar

Pity poor John Cornyn, the so-called “senior” Senator from Texas.

Following Ted Cruz’ surprise victory in last year’s elections for Texas’ other US Senate seat, Cornyn has been brown-nosing Cruz and every other right-wing wacko he can find, prior to having to face Republican primary voters in his own re-election next year. He undoubtedly fears that he’ll be pasted with the dreaded “establishment Republican” label and lose to somebody far more wacky than him. That’s exactly what happened to Lt. Governor David Dewhurst, the heavy favorite to win last year, until he got pasted with the “establishment Republican” label and lost to the far-wackier Cruz.

So as post-2012 election Republicans nation-wide take stock in their party and make course corrections, Texas’s own proud native son’s course correction? Go nuts. His specific objective is to be just slightly more nuts than Cruz – a difficult task, given that Cruz’s objective is to be just slightly more nuts than Joe McCarthy.

Cornyn’s latest effort on that front is to claim, via Twitter a couple of weeks ago, that a “friend” told him that 300 people per night are crossing the border on his property:

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Let’s do the math. 300 people per night would be 109,500 people per year. Oh hell, let’s give the immigrants Christmas and Easter off, and call it an even 108,900 folks. That’s more people than the total population of Round Rock, Wichita Falls, or Odessa. And they’ve all been sneaking in undetected by all, in one spot, except for Senator Cornyn’s “friend.”

The people who actually do this for a living say it’s ridiculous, and Cornyn steadfastly refuses to identify his “friend.” At this point, it might be a fair question to inquire as to whether Cornyn feels like he actually has a friend. One would hope he at least has a faithful dog.

This would all be pretty funny except that this ain’t some back-bencher Louie Gohmert nutcase deal: John Cornyn is the number two Republican leader in the United State Senate. This is what passes for the upper echelon of the national Republican leadership, folks.

Forget about how Texans should demand more out of their elected grown-ups – how ’bout if the National Republicans demand better from their own leadership? When it it going to occur to thinking Republicans – and there are plenty – that the people at the very top of their political food chain are acting like morons, and in turn are making non-tea party Republican-leaning voters nation-wide look like idiots for having supported them?

Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, Senator. And here’s the truth:

– the number of people we are catching as they cross the border has decreased dramatically, a measure which even Republican agree means fewer are crossing in the first place

– the number of people we’re deporting is at an all-time high – a lot higher than under the Bush administration, or Clinton before Bush

– the percentage of border real estate under “operational control” has been dramatically increasing, not decreasing, by an average of about 126 miles per year since 2005

– the number of border patrol officers has more than doubled, from about 10,000 to 21,000, between 2004 and 2012. And those of us who hang out in the border region can see it – you can’t hardly swing a dead cat around there without slapping some hapless border patrol guy.

Senator Cornyn is fully capable of being part of solutions, and as the number two Republican in the Senate, one who think he would be. He should opt for that, instead of trying too hard to avoid getting picked last on the Republican schoolyard kickball team by repeating stories he hears in bars and continuing to be part of the hyper-partisan fear-mongering blather machine.

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Attention Texas Republicans

Have a nice day.

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Remember all those Republicans who complained about ACORN voter registration?

Yeah, well, oops. Watch this:

Update: also, now there’s this. Which means that somebody’s wrong – either the woman was working for the clerk’s office or she wasn’t. Seems like somebody should get to the bottom of it, and either train folks better, or indict somebody.

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I would like to thank our military veterans for their service

but I’m not so sure about these clowns.

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Nothing is more important to Texas Senate candidates than family values

…but apparently only when they’re talking about YOUR family.

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If only the Republicans had known this…

…before their convention in Tampa.

 

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